Ahh, the dreaded day has come and gone and it was much, MUCH harder than I expected. All week leading up to Mother's Day I was heartbroken. I was affected by every commercial, every reminder and every person saying, "Happy Mother's Day," around me. I cried so many of those days leading up to yesterday.
Then yesterday came and I thought I would be fine. I stayed in bed as long as possible and finally got up for breakfast. I was grumpy, but more ok than I expected. Then I took a shower and it all came out. I could not stop crying. I laid in bed for hours just crying and crying like there was no end to my tears. It was miserable, and I felt desperate again, like I did in the very beginning. I felt like I couldn't survive the day.
Eventually my tears dried up, and I survived the day. But holy hell, it sucked. I think it was harder than some of the other dates because it was a day recognized by everyone. While all these people around me were celebrating with their mothers or their children, I was sitting at home crying that my son was taken away from me. I just wanted Jason to get Miles out of bed and bring him in to wish me a Happy Mother's Day, but I didn't get that. God, I wanted that so bad.
Of course I was also bothered by the fact that so many people don't even view me as a mother. I get it, I don't get to parent and raise my son, but dammit, I gave birth to him, and I want to raise him more than anything in the world. And not getting any recognition at all? It sucks. I did receive some cards in the mail and also quite a few text messages, which were all greatly appreciated.
I'm so glad that the day is over. So very glad. Though I'm afraid that Mother's Day has been forever ruined for me.